Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
