I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
