we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
