im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
