Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
