so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
