You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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