you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
