A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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