the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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