he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
