I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
