I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
