That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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