You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
