The brown eye won't let me do that either.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
