I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm like, not good at living.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
