please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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