the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
