Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I am spending my child support on dildos
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
