you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
