No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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