Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
