Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
