dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
