Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
