watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
