the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
