see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
