Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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