What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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