Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
either way he was missing a nipple.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
