doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
