before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
