I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
