maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
