The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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