i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
