Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
