I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
