3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
