Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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