I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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