Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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