??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
