im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
