i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
