I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
