I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
