The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
