If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
