The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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