I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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