I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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